I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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