if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
