1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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