we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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