I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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