M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
