I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
