I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
