what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You can't motorboat a personality
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
