so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
