How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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