Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
