maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
