so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
