u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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