Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
