Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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