those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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