i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
