I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
