i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
