watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
