3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
