did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
