so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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