I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
