So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
