I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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