I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
