Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
