He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
