I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
