Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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