MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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