she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
