I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
