Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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