I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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