It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
