i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
