the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
