I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she told me i tasted like america
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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