there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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