All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
