he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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