I just made out with a guy for $7.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
