Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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