I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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