he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
