whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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