If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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