I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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