new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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