I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize