He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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