found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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