she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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