I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
