i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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