you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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