end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
