You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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