So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
