Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
