halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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