There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
