Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
