I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
